Confessions of a Serial Arranger
It started with a vase. My best friend Amy made the innocent mistake of moving one from her mantel.
Now, you might think moving a vase is a fairly straightforward activity. You pick it up. You carry it somewhere else. You put it down. Clearly, you are not a serial arranger. Because a moved vase creates a spot on the mantel where the vase used to be. That spot could not possibly remain empty. Action is required.
You dutifully find something to fill the void. Except the something came from somewhere. Now that spot is empty. You see the dilemma, right?
One Thing Leads to Another...and Another
Serial arrangers rarely wake up and announce, “Today I shall rearrange half the house.” We’re not crazy. Well?
It usually starts because we notice a tiny pestering thing. The lamp in the living room would look better in the family room. We move it. It does look better! For eleven seconds we are delighted with ourselves.
But then…
At the 12-second mark, we turn around. Drat! Lamp-shaped hole. Fortunately, the guest room lamp would be perfect, so we move it. Doh! Guest room needs a lamp.
This is how perfectly reasonable people (well?) lose an entire afternoon.
We Don’t Shop. We Transfer.
Funny thing about being a serial arranger: we don’t necessarily want anything new. We just keep finding new jobs for what we have.
We don’t shop. We transfer. Every object in the house is an employee subject to reassignment without notice. While this infliction has downsides, imagine the glee felt by the guest table that suddenly gets brought into the living room. Welcome to the big leagues, son!
Innocent Bystanders
Eventually, another person in the house will notice. “Wasn’t that lamp over there?” This is not a helpful question. Neither is: “Where did the little table go?”
Then there’s the particularly dangerous: “I liked it better the other way.”
These people do not understand the complexity of the operation underway. We’re four rooms deep now. (Cue dramatic thriller music.) There’s no going back, now! Keep your hands where I can see them and back slowly away from the vase.
Sometimes the innocent can get pulled into the operation. I recently moved a table from upstairs into our entry. One table.
But then…
You know where this is going. A simple table move led to an artwork reconfiguration, a series of knock-on honey-dos. By the time the dust settled, Freddy had rehung three pieces of artwork. This is the sort of decorating math they do not teach in school.
A Word From the Innocent Bystander
At this point, I think it’s only fair that the man who has held the hammer, level, tape measure, and possibly his tongue through countless rounds of “I’m just going to move this one thing” gets a chance to tell his side of the story.
FREDDY: “I’ve actually given up. Not just on influencing my wife’s serial addiction, but on life in general. I’m resigned to live out my remaining days in servitude to minor decorative adjustments. Just kidding, honey, I know there are no minor decorative adjustments.”
The Holding Area
Every serial arranger has a holding area (HA), vital to operational execution. The HA houses temporarily displaced objects awaiting reassignment while the serial arranger (SA) mulls. And mulls. And mulls.
The SA insists everything remains in HA status “for now.” But we see through this thin rationale. “For now” is an extremely flexible term in decorating vernacular.
Sadly, a neglected HA can become take on the appearance of home décor refugee camp.
Some HA detainees will eventually get reassigned. Some will migrate into storage. At least one item will remain in HA so long everyone in the family assumes that’s where it belongs.
Flash point: “What If I Try This Over Here?”
Root cause revealed. Patient zero of the epidemic discovered. The “What if…” question can be traced back to any serial misadventure and has caused many recovering SAs to fall off the wagon. It begins innocently: SA carelessly carries a pillow into another room to “see how it looks.”
But then…
That’s right. Game over.
Method to the Madness
As ridiculous as all of this sounds, there’s something wonderful about rearranging what you own. You see possibilities instead of purchases and your budget benefits because of it.
Embracing this madness can make your home look and feel significantly different without impacting your bank account. That, to me, is part of the fun.
Your home doesn’t have to stay frozen in the same arrangement forever. Your stuff wants to shift and change right along with us. I’ve asked them and they’ve told me. I repeat, I am not crazy. I am not crazy.
A Word of Warning
Now you know the benefits but also have a balanced view of the risks. I feel strongly that the bennies far outweigh the risks. My hubby somewhat agrees. So go ahead. Move the lamp. Switch the pillows. Steal the basket from the bedroom. Just understand what you’re getting yourself into. Good luck and please share your personal SA tales.
Now, what will you do next to love where you live?
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